Tyrion's outing
by Blackthorn-san
Summary: Spoilers ahoy! Set in an alternative universe where Tyrion was never blamed for Joff's murder, Tywin starts to worry about the loyalty of the Paramounts. Tyrion, Bronn and Pod 'decide' to go out for an outing - but will they come back alive? Rated M for language and suggestive themes.


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_**CHAPTER 1 **_

"But why, father?" asked Tyrion. "Why do you want me to go?" Tyrion was not amused. He'd been having a lovely dream about Shae when there had been a knock on his oaken door. He knew immediately that it was one of his father's, Lord Paramount and Hand of the King Tywin Lannister's, men. Or possibly women. Tyrion hadn't bothered to check, which was unusual for him. He believed there to be nothing better than a girl in the morning. But in any case, it was obvious. When Cersei wanted something, she rapped on the door with a thunder like a cavalry charge and entered before he could send her away; Varys' knock would be very gentle, just enough to wake Tyrion up; Littlefinger would wait until later in the day to disturb him and anyone else who approached his room would be shoved away.

"I want you to go, Tyrion Lannister, so that we can make sure all the Paramounts are still loyal after that wedding fiasco." Tywin said promptly. He was sat in the Tower of the Hand in King's Landing, inside the walls that separated the Red Keep away from the rest of the city. It had stood for three hundred years, a thought that always made Tyrion's stunted knees wobble. The private audience chamber was not as large as the king's, but had Myrish rugs, wall hangings, and a golden-tinted round window that Tyrion quite liked.

"Why send me and not some inconspicuous serving girl that happens to overhear everything?" Tyrion's voice had a violent sting to it. After a talk with a minor Reach Lord last night, he had found the girl just outside his door. She had dark brown hair which flowed down to her shoulders, a splash of attractive freckles on her face and a large bosom. Tyrion had taken pity on the girl, and instead of killing her (which his father would have done) or cutting out her tongue (like Cersei would have done) or even both (like his nephew Joffrey would have done), he simply dismissed her from service at the Red Keep - after sampling her favour, of course.

"Because if a spy was caught, all suspicion would come to us, and that would be a 'violation of their trust' and 'a monopolization of their loyalty. However, if you went in, it would be laughably obvious, so therefore you wouldn't be under suspicion."

"That's ridiculous."

"You haven't a choice, Tyrion. You're going to every Lord Paramount in Westeros, and that is final! That is all... You may go." He said 'may' like an instruction. It was obvious that he simply meant 'go away'.

Tyrion sighed deeply. "Yes, father..." When his father raised his voice, there was no budging him - even if it was clear he was drinking too much. All seven Paramounts? Him? This was ridiculous. But the problem was, with a man like Tywin Lannister, there's no point in repeating yourself because you could be sure that he'd heard you the first time and made a note about it. If you said 'no' and he said 'yes', you might as well give up. He was harder than a brick wall when he wanted to be.

Tyrion turned and waddled away, going down all the steps in the Tower of the Hand. By the time he reached the bottom, his legs ached and he longed for wine. Bronn was nearby, relaxing lazily near the Tower. "Hello, little Lord," said the man lazily. The warm sun glowed down, and there was was a soft breeze. "Come and join me. There's no room for two, but there's room for one and a half, Half-Man."

"Watch it, Bronn."

"Sorry, sorry! Lord Half-Man."

Tyrion rolled his eyes. "In any case, you'll be joining me for a while."

"Where we off to?"

Tyrion sighed and looked at the wide-open gate, the portcullis raised and the drawbridge down. He wondered where they'd go first. "Westeros, Bronn. We're going to see the world."

"Are there whores where we are going?"

"There had better be."

"Right. Let's go, then, Half-Man!"

_**END OF CHAPTER 1**_

Author's Note: This was really just a prologue. I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews = longer, more frequent chapters! *wink wink, nudge nudge* Hope you enjoyed! ~ BlackthornIndustries


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